Real Boy (2017),
directed by Shaleece Haas, is a documentary film that follows the day to day life
of female-to-male (FTM) transgender teen, Ben.
The film begins with Ben newly starting testosterone and preparing for
his top surgery, where his breasts will be removed. Ben is also trying to navigate his family’s
lack of support and his desire to find love and acceptance while adjusting to
college life and advancing his music career.
The film does a great job of weaving together actual life shots with
graphic art and Ben’s own music as a backdrop, giving deeper insight into who
Ben is as a person beyond his gender identity.
In addition to navigating normal life changes that teens
experience as a transgender teen, Ben also struggles with mental health and
addiction. Ben talks about having a
history of cutting himself and turning to substance abuse to help numb the pain
he felt about being born in the wrong body, not having a family who understood,
and then the ultimate hurt when his parent’s divorced and his family broke
apart. In the film, Ben is clean and
sober and using his music to express his feelings in a healthy and positive
way.
Ben also has found his owns support system through social
media, connecting to other transgender teens from around the world. Many of these teens document their transition
on YouTube, keep in contact via closed groups where they can talk about their
unique circumstances, and even reach out to each other by phone and e-mail to
provide support to each other from afar.
Through the platform of social media, Ben has found a best friend in
Dylan who is also a female-to-male transgender teen and the pair move in
together when they start college. This
social support network of other transgender youth is important for the mental well-being
of many transgender teens whose families don’t understand what they are going through
or who have completely cut them out of their lives purely due to their gender
identities.
In Ben’s case, his mom and dad have divorced and he
appears to be estranged from his sister.
Ben’s dad has remarried and has a new life, in which Ben feels he does
not fit. Ben believes he is supposed to
go see his dad on Thanksgiving only to realize he misunderstood and is not
actually invited. Ben’s mom, Suzie, is
present in various scenes throughout the documentary but it is evident that while
she cares for Ben as her child, she does not support his transition. She feels that Ben taking testosterone and
having top surgery are both very drastic measures. Ben tries to explain to his mother that he is
a real boy, just born in the wrong body and that taking testosterone or having
top surgery is just his attempt to make himself feel more comfortable in his
own skin. Suzie remains hesitant about
the transition throughout the film but continues to show up for her son.
In an interview
with Suzie, it becomes clear that she is mourning the loss of her
daughter. She talks about choosing Ben’s
birth name (Rachel) and how excited she was to have a little girl. She talks about all the hopes and dreams she
had for her daughter and how she doesn’t know how to navigate explaining Ben’s
transition to her family and friends who ask how Ben (who they do not know is
transitioning) is doing. While Suzie isn’t
100% understanding or supportive of Ben’s transition, she continues to try to
be there for Ben as best as she can. It
is clear that Suzie is trying to process this change and what it means for the
dreams she once had for Ben. Suzie’s
experience in the film highlights the fact that the transition of a transgender
individual impacts not only their lives, but those of their loved ones as
well. Parents, especially, have to
reconcile their preconceived ideas for their child based on their gender at
birth with their new chosen gender. They
must realize that this transition doesn’t change who their child is and doesn’t
hinder them from accomplishing their dreams.
Some parents, unfortunately, don’t want to realize this or take some
time to process this change. Thankfully
for Ben, Suzie does come around in the end.
This documentary covers very real and raw topics that transgender
teens around the world face on a day to day basis. How to navigate their lives as they begin to
live in their chosen gender. How to navigate
the complicated medical processes necessary for transition. How to navigate very real comorbidities such
as mental illness and addiction. How to balance
family life and social life. How to find
companionship and even love. All while
working and going to school and just trying to be their authentic selves. Ben seems to do this successfully thanks to
his amazing support network and his passion for music, but he doesn’t try to hide
the trials and tribulations he has experienced in his past and that he continues
to experience due to his transgender identity.
Thanks to Ben sharing his story with the world, the unique struggles of
transgender youth are brought into the limelight. We are able to see that Ben’s hopes and
dreams are not unlike those of your typical college student who is just trying find
their way.
